


In The Velvet Darkness

by Jackdaw816



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25408252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackdaw816/pseuds/Jackdaw816
Summary: Javic can't sleep. Neither can his partner
Relationships: Jack Harkness/John Hart, John Hart/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	In The Velvet Darkness

Javic had a strange relationship with sleep. Military training had him carefully scheduling his sleep and preparing to wake at any second. That hadn’t changed when he entered the Agency. That  _ had _ changed in the time loop. 

It’d been two and a half years of fortnights, and his schedule had shifted. Instead of regularly and just enough, he slept sporadically and far more than he needed. An attempt to make it all go faster. Tonight, it had him awake at three in the morning. Great.

Javic rolled over in their bed to find Zan still awake as well. He was staring at the ceiling but glanced over when he noticed the movement.

“Thought you were asleep,” Zan murmured. “Did I wake you?” Javic shook his head.

“I thought  _ you _ were asleep,” he said. “Weren’t you trying to be diurnal again?” Zan laughed.

“That was last week. Or last loop. Either way, I gave up.” He reached a hand out and trailed fingers over Javic’s arm. “Sometimes it’s hard to remember what’s from before and what’s from now.” They didn’t often talk about their predicament. When they did, it was always night. Certain things were easier under the cover of darkness.

“Does it matter?” Javic asked. 

“Suppose not,” Zan agreed. Normally, this was the part where they stopped talking and started shagging. But tonight, Zan made a noncommittal noise and rolled over. Javic frowned and shuffled in closer.

“What’s wrong?” Javic asked, pressing a kiss to Zan’s nape. Zan snorted.

“Do you want the list alphabetically or in order of importance?” Zan asked. Javic rolled his eyes and draped an arm over him.

“I’m fairly certain it’s still scrawled in lipstick on the bathroom mirror.” It was a long list, but a big mirror. Last loop, Zan had smashed it with his bare hands, then almost bled out from a thousand tiny cuts, the idiot. Javic much preferred the lipstick.

“Good, go read that then, and stop bothering me,” Zan huffed, shrugging off Javic’s arm. Javic knew Zan’s moods fairly well by now, and vice versa. The singular benefit of being trapped together.

As far as they could figure, the tech they had been sent to retrieve had interfered with the protective barrier around the thief’s manor. Or their vortex manipulators had interfered. Either way, it was just the two of them in a gargantuan house for the foreseeable future. It was still too small.

Javic shook his head lightly, not enough for Zan to notice. It did no good to dwell. He turned his attention back to the problem he could solve. Zan wasn’t irritated; he was sad. Irritated meant a fight, then make-up sex. Sad was more delicate.

“This is something new,” Javic guessed. Zan tensed, just for a second. Then he pulled the blanket over his bare shoulder and burrowed deeper into the pillow.

“I said stop bothering me,” Zan said, voice muffled. Javic tentatively laid a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s something important if it’s keeping you awake,” Javic pointed out. Zan snarled, a rumble deep in his throat. Javic snatched his hand back reflexively. Maybe Zan  _ was _ irritated. 

“Okay, fine, be pissy,” Javic said. He considered leaving for one of the dozens of other bedrooms. Instead, he laid back down and wrapped a strong arm around Zan. “We’ll just have to stay here till you tell me what’s wrong.” Javic grinned wickedly. “We’ve got plenty of time.” Zan tried to sit up, but Javic held him fast. He knew Zan could break free with ease, but he just sighed and shifted backward into Javic’s embrace.

“I hate you,” Zan said, but the malice was forced.

“I love you too,” Javic replied patiently. Zan went quiet, and Javic wondered if he’d overstepped his bounds. Probably not. They’d already been close before, but now they were basically married. 

A few more minutes passed, and Zan’s breathing evened out, seemingly asleep. Javic was disappointed. Sure, he wanted Zan to feel better. That didn’t mean he wasn’t also incredibly curious. In a place like this, anything new was worth its weight in gold. But it looked like it’d have to wait until tomorrow.

Javic settled in, pressing himself closer to Zan. His skin was cool to the touch, coming from a colony that had adapted to eternal snow and ice. The polar opposite of Javic’s desert and ocean. Zan always joked that they were partnered for their thermoregulatory properties. It certainly made it comfortable to sleep together.

Javic was almost asleep when Zan spoke, his voice soft and terse.

“I forgot my fiancée.” Javic snapped back to wakefulness. Okay, not what he expected. How had Zan managed to keep that secret? Although, he shouldn’t really judge.

“You have a fiancée?” Javic asked, suppressing the quiet thrum of jealousy that coursed through him.

“In a manner of speaking. She was my intended.” Zan sounded wistful and somber. “Our colony was thriving. Then some idiot didn’t get their cargo decontaminated properly. A plague hit the capital, the majority of our population, hard.” Zan swallowed. “I didn’t know a single family who hadn’t lost someone.”

“I’m sorry,” Javic said. He reached for Zan’s hand and laced their fingers. “Did you lose her?”

“Not to the plague.” Zan sighed. “I told you I was an orphan.”

“After I said I was, yeah. You always had the most unconventional methods of bonding,” Javic joked, attempting to diffuse the tension. It didn’t work. Zan gripped his hand tight, nails cutting into the skin.

“Not now, please.” Javic obediently fell silent, and Zan took a deep, shuddering breath. “I was sixteen, and I watched my world dissolve into panic and uncertainty. I already knew that people were selfish, but goddesses. The plague had a cure; we were lucky there. But in the six months, it took to synthesize enough for everyone, we’d lost tens of thousands of people.” Zan paused, and his next words were forced and rough. “I lost everyone.”

“But you said you didn’t lose her to the plague,” Javic asked, confused. Zan swore unintelligibly. He let go of Javic’s hand and rolled over to face him. Javic tried not to flinch at the raw sorrow in Zan’s features.

“I didn’t. I hadn’t met her yet. I lost my family. Fourteen of us in the household and I was the only survivor.” Zan slammed a fist on the mattress between them. “I still wish I wasn’t. I should have let myself fall beneath the shattered ice. It would have been easier.”

“Dying is easy,” Javic said without thinking. He’d learned that early in the loop. He’d jumped off the roof, let Zan shoot him, drank himself to death, and drowned in the oversized bathtub. Pain then peaceful nothingness.

“Living is harder,” Zan finished the old quote, origin lost to time. “Fucking true.”

“So why didn’t you?” Javic asked, reaching a hand out to press against Zan’s chest, a reminder that he was still there. “If you had no one to live for-”

“I was a coward,” Zan said bitterly. “Plain and simple. Couldn’t work up the nerve.” Zan laughed, the sound harsh and foreign. “No, no great love story with her pulling me out of my grief or any soppy shit like that.”

“So, how did you meet her?” Javic asked, curious. Zan’s expression was almost unreadable. 

“The council had made a decision to try and force repopulation.” Javic scoffed and Zan smiled the barest of smiles. “I know. I didn’t say it was a good decision. But I had just turned seventeen, our age of majority, so I was eligible. We were paired at random, and I had wanted nothing to do with her. But going against the council was akin to treason.”

“You didn’t get married?” Javic asked. Zan shook his head.

“Engagements last a year, minimum. And as much as the council wanted new children, they also wanted stable families for the children to be raised in. We didn’t make it that far.” Zan bit his lip. “She died in an accident eight months after I met her. At least, that’s what the official report says. Everyone knows that she killed herself.” Zan rolled onto his back, unable to meet Javic’s eyes. “It was unbearable. I loved her. I opposed everything our relationship stood for and never would have entered it willingly, but I loved her.”

“I’m sorry, Zan,” Javic said, feeling his heart ache for his partner. “What was her name?”

“Erika.” Zan tilted his head, just enough for Javic to make out the tears welling up in his eyes. “I buried her with the rest of my family, then snuck aboard the first cruiser I could. Thanks to the council, I’m exiled. They’ll kill me if I ever go home. So, as soon as I turned eighteen, I joined the Agency. The entire rest of the universe at my fingertips. A new life, but I never wanted to forget her.”

“And you did,” Javic said, realizing Zan’s pain.

“I couldn’t remember my first love’s name for two fucking hours,” Zan spat. “What else have I forgotten?” He made a noise halfway between a laugh and a sob. “What is this place doing to me?” Javic reached over and pulled Zan close. God. He knew Zan carried weight. He hadn’t realized exactly how much weight. They were more similar than he’d realized.

“I’m so sorry,” Javic murmured. “But you’re not alone.” Zan relaxed into Javic’s arms.

“I’d be completely mental without you, Javic,” Zan said, teasing and yet entirely serious. Javic yawned, he couldn’t help it. “You should sleep. I didn’t mean to keep you up.” 

“It was important. We have all the time we want to sleep,” Javic defended. He took a deep breath, steeling his nerves. “I want to tell you about my brother.”


End file.
